the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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