he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
