Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
