i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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