No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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