It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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