imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
