i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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