By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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