If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
