I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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