Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
