Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
