I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Two words: blizzard sex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
