smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
