This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my being single is dangerous.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize