I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
