good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
