I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
