Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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