He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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