yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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