i was born a porn star she said
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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