The best revenge is premature balding
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize