She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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