It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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