ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
