my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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