Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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