in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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