Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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