why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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