i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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