He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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