I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
