I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
