We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
