Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
