i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
