last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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