It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
