Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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