as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
