I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This baby is an asshole
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize