he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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