Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
