Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
last night I used snow as a chaser
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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