Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is Oprah even human
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
