Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
