Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
