That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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