I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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