I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
