just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
