No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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