Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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