Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
