I seem to have left my pride at pride
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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