Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
