She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
