Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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