you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
