last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
