you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
