He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
