I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
