I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
