Buhtt sex?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
