Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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