OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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