"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
