i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
