i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
