Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
