i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize