doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
