So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
