Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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