I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize