I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
