What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
