i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
