Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
