erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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