She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
