OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
