is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize