man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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