I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
