I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
