my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
