Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
