the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
