We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
