Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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