for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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