fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
